Some thoughts on time

I recently was lucky enough to be gifted tickets to Hamilton; like everyone else who sees it, I absolutely loved it. One of the refrains that stuck with me was, "Why do you write like you're running out of time?" ("Non-Stop"). Alexander Hamilton, according to the musical, was not only a gifted writer, but an abundant writer--this article looks at the importance of his penmanship in the pre-typewriter era. His anxiety about getting all of his thoughts down on paper probably stemmed from another notable lyric: " See, I never thought I’d live past twenty / Where I come from some get half as many" ("My Shot"). If you believed that there was a good chance you'd die young, then the pressure to do great things now would be intense.

I've been thinking about this since I saw the play in April, because I constantly feel like I just don't have enough time. I have two children under six, so even though I am off work for the summer, being home with them is a full-time job. I am taking two online graduate courses, which require me to spend two evenings per week "going to class" because of course I can't get anything done at home. On top of that, I try to exercise five days per week, spend quality time with my husband a few times per week after the kids go to bed, and we are trying to get our house ready to sell whilst house-hunting.

It's exhausting.

But then, on top of all of that, I realize how privileged I am to even be complaining about all of this! My online classes are intellectually stimulating and leading me into a great career move. My husband is a wonderful partner who I actually want to hang out with. My economic status allows me to belong to a gym--a nice one, with childcare and a pool I can take my kids to. When things get hectic, I hire a babysitter. Twice this summer we are going on vacation, to "escape it all." Escaping from my own life is a luxury that many cannot afford.

So now I feel guilty for complaining.

So, I guess the question is, how can I feel more present and less hectic? This article from Psychology Today has some good tips. One of my favorites is to "make eating sacred time." I have read before that the French, famous for their sophisticated culinary habits, never eat in the car or in front of the television. Never might be a bit of an exaggeration, but the idea makes a lot of sense. Being present while eating sounds not only healthy, but pleasant. Another is to "reclaim waiting time." I recently realized that I was wasting my commute on trash radio when I could be listening to audio books or podcasts. I had to make a concerted effort to download quality programs ahead of time, but it was well worth it.

Life has changed a lot from Alexander Hamilton's day. Who knows if he would have accomplished half as much if he had Twitter and CNN yapping at him, or if Mrs. Hamilton had expected him to be an equitable parenting partner (side note: the wives never get enough credit for the sacrifices they made so that the founding fathers could devote 99% of their lives to our new nation!). While life expectancy is much longer now, we also know that no one is promised a tomorrow.

Balancing the desire to carpe diem and the reality that someone has to do the laundry is difficult. Sometimes when I'm with my kids, I'm thinking about how I need to do x-y-z. Then while I'm doing those things, I'm thinking I really wish I had more quality time with my kids. Maybe what I really need to focus on is not using my time more efficiently, but on how to be more mindful and present in every given moment.